The FBI and local law enforcement officials have confirmed that an asshole is in custody after a shootout in New Jersey.
This asshole was responsible for doing several assholey things over the weekend, including leaving bombs in a backpack, dumpsters and garbage bins.
There is no evidence that this asshole was talking to assholes overseas although assholes overseas are celebrating this asshole. At the moment, asshole appears to be a lone wolf asshole.
This asshole may have learned how to make bombs from other assholes online.
Although the asshole is currently in custody, officials warn people to remain vigilant and alert to other assholes. If you see an asshole or something that looks like the work of an asshole, say something.
Don’t be an asshole.